Testimony of Renewal

Something I hate to talk about is the horrible mistakes I've made, even though they are in the past, I should probably come to terms with them by now... So, the way I'm going to go about doing so, is confessing them not only to myself, but who ever reads this!

First thing I am going to say is, drugs are bad!!! So bad! so don't do them... ever! I always thought that people only said that because they didn't want anyone doing them and becoming addicted to them because they either feel so great or because they are so fun.. which is true as well, but also some things people don't tell you about it is, how scary they can be. People have a variety of trips, either good or bad.. bottom line is, every trip is different. You never can tell what kind of experience you are going to have, so you're supposed to have a good environment and an optimistic mind set while going into the trip, and if that doesn't happen well... I can tell you by experience that it will be the longest, worst, dreadful time of your life! I'm not saying that you should do it if you have a good place or mind set, but don't do it at all! It will consume you, and it will control your life. Something that is not worth it whatsoever! 
I personally never thought that I was going to do them, in fact, I promised myself and God that I would never ever even come close to it.. But that didn't stick for too long, because before you knew it, I started drinking, and my thought on that was, well it's only every so often, and it's not like I'm going to a party and doing something extremely stupid, still... it was a dumb idea, because it began to become a big problem. On top of that, I started smoking cigarettes. I thought, "Who cares? It's not like I'm smoking pot!" Something I shouldn't have said because then marijuana came into play. Which by the way, whether you believe it or not, is such a serious gateway drug! I began to do it so much, I can't even count how much I did it. Every day, several times a day, I planned on quitting so many times, but I finally quit when I had a little too much and I knew that God was the only thing that would bring peace and help me with everything. Which brings me into my next little story...

I used to like mushrooms, like on my pizza and everything but now.. I can't even eat them at all because of the phase I was in, I thought that it was such a great idea to do shrooms because I wanted to know what it was like... I ended up having such a horrible trip, I started seeing things in the trees... for example.. captin crunch! It was so crazy weird, I spooked myself out! So, I stopped focusing on the things around and starred into the fire, which I swear was moving and defying gravity.. but of course we all know that's not true because it was just the shrooms taking effect on my mind. Anyways, I started to look towards the night sky, which was so vivid and still stupid, because my mind was racing, I couldn't stop thinking about the most random stuff! I had no emotions to show on the outside, but on the inside I was torn up by my thoughts and for letting everything get to me. It was not the thing I was looking for at all, (which will is talked about a few paragraphs down.) I became insecure and just overall ended up not even sleeping that night or the next. Something like that would be a flashing sign to you, right? Correct! I said I would never do it again because it effected me for days on end.. but the opportunity came again, but everything was different, it was with some of the same people, but it was a different place and mind set, so I thought it would be better. Ohh and I was wrong, again! Shocker? probably not..
Yeah it may have been fun for a while, but it was also the scariest moments of my life. Why would anyone ever think of putting themselves in such a wicked situation. I didn't have control over my thoughts or of the things going on around me. I then said that I was done with that no matter what. What happened next... yes you guessed it! More temptation that the devil threw at me.. acid! I was so excited, which I don't know why because I knew it wasn't going to be a good outcome what so ever. I was so nervous yet excited because I wanted to know what this one was like that I took two doses. One dose can put someone on the edge, but two, especially my first time was.. well. unexceptionably horrid . Not only did I do that, but I smoked a bunch of bud. Approximately a dub to myself.. STUPID! Pure stupidity! I was with all guys, and I knew I shouldn't have done it, but well.. temptation got the best of me.. I was more distraught then ever before, more scared, unsure, and just plain dumb then any time in my life before. Before I knew it, paranoia got the best of me, and so did life in general. I was so involved with what was going on, I never even stopped to look at the bigger picture.

Many people know of this, but don't exactly know what the experience was like, so I just felt like sharing it. I blocked it out for the longest time, so I'm surprised that I remembered as much as I did. The whole thing that I kept missing, was God. I thought it would make me feel better, when right now sitting at my desk in my room here at... midnight, I am as happy as can be because my trust is in the Lord and I am so blessed and loved by him, that it's the best feeling someone can ever have! When the presence of God overtakes you, you know that nothing can ever beat that. I don't regret what I've done, because I know in the long run it's make me a stronger person and I've grown from it remarkably and because I know that God forgives me more then I can even forgive myself. (p.s. if you haven't done it, don't!) Jesus has completely stripped my guilt and sins away, before I even made them.( pretty awesome huh?) I don't go about thinking of it everyday, in fact this is the first time in awhile that I brought it to my own attention. Which is good, and I know that God is so good, and just so awesome, that I will always be filled with love and hope and peace when I seek after him. He is so merciful and he will provide. Ufftah!
That's a lot to say in one blog post, and a lot of truths unmasked... but it needs to happen sometime or rather. This may just be another blog, but maybe someone out there will see this and know that you don't need drugs or any other carnal things. You need to focus on the bigger picture, which is God, and he will bless you beyond belief! A good/great scripture to meditate on daily is Philippians 4:6, Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Basically stating that you need to cast your cares onto God, and pray and thank him in everything, then let your desires and wants be known to God. Also, make sure not to question God, but to question in faith, knowingly that he will provide. Praise God! and remember, you are nothing without him! Make him your Lord, main desire, and purpose, and he will grant you your hearts desires.