It's midnight on the fourth of July, and I am crying with no one to run to. I want to run to God, and I've tried, but why is it so hard to when I feel so much emotion. I love God with all my heart, and I want to seek him, but why does it feel like he is hiding from me at times like these. I know what the word says about casting my cares onto God, and I am trying to, but it's so hard when that care wont leave you alone.
God, I want to know you more and I want to be closer to you, but I can't leave something behind.. As much as I want to, I just can't move on. I know the right thing to do, or so I think, but my heart is 100% against it! I know it's not right to question God, and to only question in faith, but how am I supposed to know what I am supposed to do when I feel so alone, or even to know his answer. I wanna just scream, God, WHERE ARE YOU? But that would be plain stupid, because I know you are right in front of me, and I know you are waiting with arms WIDE open for me, but for some reason, I just can't step forward. I've been studying in the word, praying in the spirit, and giving God thanks constantly throughout the day, I even have my own time of praise and worship. But why does it feel like you are so far away?
I praise God and thank him for the opportunities that has already so quickly risen for me to work in the medical field, and to do great things and all the glory to be given to him, but I feel that I am missing something.
I am searching, but for some reason, I just can't find it..
Lord, I know you are full of grace and mercy, and I thank you for that. I'll just leave it on that note..
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