When I look in the mirror, I see a face, and a familiar one at that.
Of course, non-other then the Lord himself, because that's where peace is at.
Closing my eyes, I feel at rest, knowing I'm finally home.
Standing strong with the love of God, never having to be alone.
Fighting for the one that sent down his only son, which knowledge that this battle has already been won.
A champion at heart, and a warrior spirit, giving God glory so everybody can hear it.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Misconception of the Heart
Emotions are inclinations of the mind and heart alike.
There is not one carnal thing that sets the heart free.
Sitting, waiting for that one person to break open the seal, that perfect knight.
Maybe one day, all women will see, Men of this world hold not the priceless key.
Gallant yet fiction, wondering on the destination of your dear champion.
Bleeding with adoration, emotions that are too enduring for this feeble moment.
One must but speculate the quenching durability of your shining vile peon.
If a slave to this world is what you seek, then you will be blinded in spirit, awaiting the end of this deferment.
The longer you wait,
The more you will see,
That God is your savior,
And always will be.
There is not one carnal thing that sets the heart free.
Sitting, waiting for that one person to break open the seal, that perfect knight.
Maybe one day, all women will see, Men of this world hold not the priceless key.
Gallant yet fiction, wondering on the destination of your dear champion.
Bleeding with adoration, emotions that are too enduring for this feeble moment.
One must but speculate the quenching durability of your shining vile peon.
If a slave to this world is what you seek, then you will be blinded in spirit, awaiting the end of this deferment.
The longer you wait,
The more you will see,
That God is your savior,
And always will be.
Friday, August 26, 2011
When it Rains, it Pours!
So like the title says, When it Rains, it Pours! Which is very true, in this case it isn't necessarily a bad thing.
When people say that, they can mean a variety of different things, usually on the negative side. But the way I mean, is definitely a positive way!
The blessings of God isn't meant to be something to only happen every now and then to keep you interested and set on the Lord. But when you follow God, desire him with your whole heart, and give up and sacrifice some things that mean so much to you but are of this world, God see's what you are doing, and he will most definitly bless you beyond what you hold to as reality. I say that, because that's exactly what I've been experiencing. I've been giving up my old ways and habits all to know God more and to seek him. God has been blessing me with things that I would have never even thought possible for me! One blessing upon another, it's supernatural! It makes him so happy to see that you are reaching out for him.
But one thing about the blessings of God, is that you shouldn't sit there and basically say "Okay Lord, where is my next blessing?" That would be horrible. God doesn't want you to demand blessings, and the blessings God has for you is already set up for you and already there for you, all you have to do is work for it, in certain ways that can vary, but also mainly by seeking God.
God is the creator, he made this world, and you and me, he knows everything, what you want to do, what you are going to do, and he already has those blessings set out for you, that all you have to do is just be in the will of God, and you will receive them abundantly.
Sorry if this isn't making sense, but it makes complete sense to me.
I'll put it this way, when you receive a gift from someone, what do you do? You thank them! You don't ask, thank you so much, so when do I get my next gift? When is it coming, what is it? You don't question that person, you just appreciate, love, and thank them. That's the way it's supposed to be.
God is a good God, he is love, and he wants to bless you so much more then you could even imagine. He wants to give you everything. Even though there is no way that you would be able to comprehend it all. The same goes for the love of God, he loves you so much and so unconditionally that when you start to think about it, you get mind-bottled because it's so amazing and out of this world the amount that he loves you, so much that he gave his only begotten son for you. Would you give up your child for this world? I most definitely would not, but see, we are only human, we don't have to make that kind of sacrifice, it's already done, the love is already unconditional, and the blessings are already there.
God doesn't look at where you've been, or what you've done, he looks at your heart and where you want to go.
When people say that, they can mean a variety of different things, usually on the negative side. But the way I mean, is definitely a positive way!
The blessings of God isn't meant to be something to only happen every now and then to keep you interested and set on the Lord. But when you follow God, desire him with your whole heart, and give up and sacrifice some things that mean so much to you but are of this world, God see's what you are doing, and he will most definitly bless you beyond what you hold to as reality. I say that, because that's exactly what I've been experiencing. I've been giving up my old ways and habits all to know God more and to seek him. God has been blessing me with things that I would have never even thought possible for me! One blessing upon another, it's supernatural! It makes him so happy to see that you are reaching out for him.
But one thing about the blessings of God, is that you shouldn't sit there and basically say "Okay Lord, where is my next blessing?" That would be horrible. God doesn't want you to demand blessings, and the blessings God has for you is already set up for you and already there for you, all you have to do is work for it, in certain ways that can vary, but also mainly by seeking God.
God is the creator, he made this world, and you and me, he knows everything, what you want to do, what you are going to do, and he already has those blessings set out for you, that all you have to do is just be in the will of God, and you will receive them abundantly.
Sorry if this isn't making sense, but it makes complete sense to me.
I'll put it this way, when you receive a gift from someone, what do you do? You thank them! You don't ask, thank you so much, so when do I get my next gift? When is it coming, what is it? You don't question that person, you just appreciate, love, and thank them. That's the way it's supposed to be.
God is a good God, he is love, and he wants to bless you so much more then you could even imagine. He wants to give you everything. Even though there is no way that you would be able to comprehend it all. The same goes for the love of God, he loves you so much and so unconditionally that when you start to think about it, you get mind-bottled because it's so amazing and out of this world the amount that he loves you, so much that he gave his only begotten son for you. Would you give up your child for this world? I most definitely would not, but see, we are only human, we don't have to make that kind of sacrifice, it's already done, the love is already unconditional, and the blessings are already there.
God doesn't look at where you've been, or what you've done, he looks at your heart and where you want to go.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
My Lord, My Provider
God will most definitively provide!
I am so blessed and thankful for everything that he has done for me and given me.
Just trusting in him is the best thing that I have ever done.
Just a few weeks back I didn't know what I was going to do with school, but now... I will be going to Hennepin Technical College for my nursing assistance certificate. I am soooo excited.
Yeaahhh, I will be super busy with juggling online school, public school, htc, clinicals, and church, but I don't care because I am soo super happy with everything he has given me and in such a short amount of time too! After classes at htc I will be getting a job at an assisted living and making a fair amount of money that will give me enough to go to Israel and to spend more time out in D.C. and of course.. tithe!
All I've got to say is.... God is so good!
so, with that said, I just need to remind myself that I should never complain about anything that comes my way, because why should one complain about a gift from God? It's so beautiful and he gives it with so much love, you should have no choice but to accept it with complete gratitude.
Though I know it will be rough at times, I just need to continue to make God my focus and continue to seek him in everything I do. Ahhh!!! I don't know what to say I am just extremely ecstatic!
Make sure, in your walk with God, even though he may grant you with a busy schedule with great things, to not be frugal with you time in the word and praising him. seek him first, and all will be given unto you.
A scripture that comes to mind right now is, Deuteronomy 28:2, 'For the blessings of the Lord shall come upon you, and overtake you, for you obey the voice of the lord you God.' Good scripture huh? I agree! Just trust in God, and know that he will provide for you, but remember to give God glory!
Praise God! Now go out into the world with a smile and be the light in the darkness!
I am so blessed and thankful for everything that he has done for me and given me.
Just trusting in him is the best thing that I have ever done.
Just a few weeks back I didn't know what I was going to do with school, but now... I will be going to Hennepin Technical College for my nursing assistance certificate. I am soooo excited.
Yeaahhh, I will be super busy with juggling online school, public school, htc, clinicals, and church, but I don't care because I am soo super happy with everything he has given me and in such a short amount of time too! After classes at htc I will be getting a job at an assisted living and making a fair amount of money that will give me enough to go to Israel and to spend more time out in D.C. and of course.. tithe!
All I've got to say is.... God is so good!
so, with that said, I just need to remind myself that I should never complain about anything that comes my way, because why should one complain about a gift from God? It's so beautiful and he gives it with so much love, you should have no choice but to accept it with complete gratitude.
Though I know it will be rough at times, I just need to continue to make God my focus and continue to seek him in everything I do. Ahhh!!! I don't know what to say I am just extremely ecstatic!
Make sure, in your walk with God, even though he may grant you with a busy schedule with great things, to not be frugal with you time in the word and praising him. seek him first, and all will be given unto you.
A scripture that comes to mind right now is, Deuteronomy 28:2, 'For the blessings of the Lord shall come upon you, and overtake you, for you obey the voice of the lord you God.' Good scripture huh? I agree! Just trust in God, and know that he will provide for you, but remember to give God glory!
Praise God! Now go out into the world with a smile and be the light in the darkness!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Temptation, Manipulation, and all the Evil Things.
Out of all the words there are in the English language, none are able to describe how I feel right about now.
I am doing everything right for once, and then one slip of what I want, everything goes down hill. I don't understand how one of the things that I want most in this world can be so.. wrong?
It feels like all the trust people had in me, if they had any just vanished. I don't know if it's because of my age, or my maturity, but it feels as if I'm not ever able to be on the same idk level? as some people. I feel like I'm trailing behind, so what's the point in trying?
After church tonight, my friend and I went to Arby's. Got a lovely phone call and rant from someone, and then almost broke my phone twice.. then again chucking it in a public place can do that. We had an interesting conversation after that, because this special person who was on the phone, was also on speaker! and said some things that should have been kept.. well.. let's just say private. I just don't understand why someone could get so, idk upset or jealous of the fact that I am getting closer to God.. Overall good time with my friend, had a good laugh, and had an few interesting conversations, some that probably shouldn't be repeated.
Car ride home=difficult. It seems like I'm not very vulnerable anymore, but there are certain things that will get me on edge. Picture it as, someone throwing a bunch of rocks at someone, who dodges them very well, up until the point where they trip on one of those rocks, and the rocks just start hitting them. Doesn't sound like I pretty picture does it? Nope! anyways, I just felt that the weight of this issue on hand, started to get heavier and heavier, to the point where I felt it was best to pull over.. but ignoring that, I tended to go a little faster... or a lot. I cried out to God, knowing it was stupid to question him, I just started stating things. I wanted to curse but I knew it wouldn't do me any good what so ever, so I just started saying grace and praying in the spirit. Well... I got home safe! obviously.. I do feel better, but the weight still feels like 1,000 pounds. I'm missing something, I just don't know what. I guess all I can do is continue to read and study in the word, pray, and thank God.
I am doing everything right for once, and then one slip of what I want, everything goes down hill. I don't understand how one of the things that I want most in this world can be so.. wrong?
It feels like all the trust people had in me, if they had any just vanished. I don't know if it's because of my age, or my maturity, but it feels as if I'm not ever able to be on the same idk level? as some people. I feel like I'm trailing behind, so what's the point in trying?
After church tonight, my friend and I went to Arby's. Got a lovely phone call and rant from someone, and then almost broke my phone twice.. then again chucking it in a public place can do that. We had an interesting conversation after that, because this special person who was on the phone, was also on speaker! and said some things that should have been kept.. well.. let's just say private. I just don't understand why someone could get so, idk upset or jealous of the fact that I am getting closer to God.. Overall good time with my friend, had a good laugh, and had an few interesting conversations, some that probably shouldn't be repeated.
Car ride home=difficult. It seems like I'm not very vulnerable anymore, but there are certain things that will get me on edge. Picture it as, someone throwing a bunch of rocks at someone, who dodges them very well, up until the point where they trip on one of those rocks, and the rocks just start hitting them. Doesn't sound like I pretty picture does it? Nope! anyways, I just felt that the weight of this issue on hand, started to get heavier and heavier, to the point where I felt it was best to pull over.. but ignoring that, I tended to go a little faster... or a lot. I cried out to God, knowing it was stupid to question him, I just started stating things. I wanted to curse but I knew it wouldn't do me any good what so ever, so I just started saying grace and praying in the spirit. Well... I got home safe! obviously.. I do feel better, but the weight still feels like 1,000 pounds. I'm missing something, I just don't know what. I guess all I can do is continue to read and study in the word, pray, and thank God.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Testimony of Renewal
Something I hate to talk about is the horrible mistakes I've made, even though they are in the past, I should probably come to terms with them by now... So, the way I'm going to go about doing so, is confessing them not only to myself, but who ever reads this!
First thing I am going to say is, drugs are bad!!! So bad! so don't do them... ever! I always thought that people only said that because they didn't want anyone doing them and becoming addicted to them because they either feel so great or because they are so fun.. which is true as well, but also some things people don't tell you about it is, how scary they can be. People have a variety of trips, either good or bad.. bottom line is, every trip is different. You never can tell what kind of experience you are going to have, so you're supposed to have a good environment and an optimistic mind set while going into the trip, and if that doesn't happen well... I can tell you by experience that it will be the longest, worst, dreadful time of your life! I'm not saying that you should do it if you have a good place or mind set, but don't do it at all! It will consume you, and it will control your life. Something that is not worth it whatsoever!
I personally never thought that I was going to do them, in fact, I promised myself and God that I would never ever even come close to it.. But that didn't stick for too long, because before you knew it, I started drinking, and my thought on that was, well it's only every so often, and it's not like I'm going to a party and doing something extremely stupid, still... it was a dumb idea, because it began to become a big problem. On top of that, I started smoking cigarettes. I thought, "Who cares? It's not like I'm smoking pot!" Something I shouldn't have said because then marijuana came into play. Which by the way, whether you believe it or not, is such a serious gateway drug! I began to do it so much, I can't even count how much I did it. Every day, several times a day, I planned on quitting so many times, but I finally quit when I had a little too much and I knew that God was the only thing that would bring peace and help me with everything. Which brings me into my next little story...
I used to like mushrooms, like on my pizza and everything but now.. I can't even eat them at all because of the phase I was in, I thought that it was such a great idea to do shrooms because I wanted to know what it was like... I ended up having such a horrible trip, I started seeing things in the trees... for example.. captin crunch! It was so crazy weird, I spooked myself out! So, I stopped focusing on the things around and starred into the fire, which I swear was moving and defying gravity.. but of course we all know that's not true because it was just the shrooms taking effect on my mind. Anyways, I started to look towards the night sky, which was so vivid and still stupid, because my mind was racing, I couldn't stop thinking about the most random stuff! I had no emotions to show on the outside, but on the inside I was torn up by my thoughts and for letting everything get to me. It was not the thing I was looking for at all, (which will is talked about a few paragraphs down.) I became insecure and just overall ended up not even sleeping that night or the next. Something like that would be a flashing sign to you, right? Correct! I said I would never do it again because it effected me for days on end.. but the opportunity came again, but everything was different, it was with some of the same people, but it was a different place and mind set, so I thought it would be better. Ohh and I was wrong, again! Shocker? probably not..
Yeah it may have been fun for a while, but it was also the scariest moments of my life. Why would anyone ever think of putting themselves in such a wicked situation. I didn't have control over my thoughts or of the things going on around me. I then said that I was done with that no matter what. What happened next... yes you guessed it! More temptation that the devil threw at me.. acid! I was so excited, which I don't know why because I knew it wasn't going to be a good outcome what so ever. I was so nervous yet excited because I wanted to know what this one was like that I took two doses. One dose can put someone on the edge, but two, especially my first time was.. well. unexceptionably horrid . Not only did I do that, but I smoked a bunch of bud. Approximately a dub to myself.. STUPID! Pure stupidity! I was with all guys, and I knew I shouldn't have done it, but well.. temptation got the best of me.. I was more distraught then ever before, more scared, unsure, and just plain dumb then any time in my life before. Before I knew it, paranoia got the best of me, and so did life in general. I was so involved with what was going on, I never even stopped to look at the bigger picture.
Many people know of this, but don't exactly know what the experience was like, so I just felt like sharing it. I blocked it out for the longest time, so I'm surprised that I remembered as much as I did. The whole thing that I kept missing, was God. I thought it would make me feel better, when right now sitting at my desk in my room here at... midnight, I am as happy as can be because my trust is in the Lord and I am so blessed and loved by him, that it's the best feeling someone can ever have! When the presence of God overtakes you, you know that nothing can ever beat that. I don't regret what I've done, because I know in the long run it's make me a stronger person and I've grown from it remarkably and because I know that God forgives me more then I can even forgive myself. (p.s. if you haven't done it, don't!) Jesus has completely stripped my guilt and sins away, before I even made them.( pretty awesome huh?) I don't go about thinking of it everyday, in fact this is the first time in awhile that I brought it to my own attention. Which is good, and I know that God is so good, and just so awesome, that I will always be filled with love and hope and peace when I seek after him. He is so merciful and he will provide. Ufftah!
That's a lot to say in one blog post, and a lot of truths unmasked... but it needs to happen sometime or rather. This may just be another blog, but maybe someone out there will see this and know that you don't need drugs or any other carnal things. You need to focus on the bigger picture, which is God, and he will bless you beyond belief! A good/great scripture to meditate on daily is Philippians 4:6, Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Basically stating that you need to cast your cares onto God, and pray and thank him in everything, then let your desires and wants be known to God. Also, make sure not to question God, but to question in faith, knowingly that he will provide. Praise God! and remember, you are nothing without him! Make him your Lord, main desire, and purpose, and he will grant you your hearts desires.
First thing I am going to say is, drugs are bad!!! So bad! so don't do them... ever! I always thought that people only said that because they didn't want anyone doing them and becoming addicted to them because they either feel so great or because they are so fun.. which is true as well, but also some things people don't tell you about it is, how scary they can be. People have a variety of trips, either good or bad.. bottom line is, every trip is different. You never can tell what kind of experience you are going to have, so you're supposed to have a good environment and an optimistic mind set while going into the trip, and if that doesn't happen well... I can tell you by experience that it will be the longest, worst, dreadful time of your life! I'm not saying that you should do it if you have a good place or mind set, but don't do it at all! It will consume you, and it will control your life. Something that is not worth it whatsoever!
I personally never thought that I was going to do them, in fact, I promised myself and God that I would never ever even come close to it.. But that didn't stick for too long, because before you knew it, I started drinking, and my thought on that was, well it's only every so often, and it's not like I'm going to a party and doing something extremely stupid, still... it was a dumb idea, because it began to become a big problem. On top of that, I started smoking cigarettes. I thought, "Who cares? It's not like I'm smoking pot!" Something I shouldn't have said because then marijuana came into play. Which by the way, whether you believe it or not, is such a serious gateway drug! I began to do it so much, I can't even count how much I did it. Every day, several times a day, I planned on quitting so many times, but I finally quit when I had a little too much and I knew that God was the only thing that would bring peace and help me with everything. Which brings me into my next little story...
I used to like mushrooms, like on my pizza and everything but now.. I can't even eat them at all because of the phase I was in, I thought that it was such a great idea to do shrooms because I wanted to know what it was like... I ended up having such a horrible trip, I started seeing things in the trees... for example.. captin crunch! It was so crazy weird, I spooked myself out! So, I stopped focusing on the things around and starred into the fire, which I swear was moving and defying gravity.. but of course we all know that's not true because it was just the shrooms taking effect on my mind. Anyways, I started to look towards the night sky, which was so vivid and still stupid, because my mind was racing, I couldn't stop thinking about the most random stuff! I had no emotions to show on the outside, but on the inside I was torn up by my thoughts and for letting everything get to me. It was not the thing I was looking for at all, (which will is talked about a few paragraphs down.) I became insecure and just overall ended up not even sleeping that night or the next. Something like that would be a flashing sign to you, right? Correct! I said I would never do it again because it effected me for days on end.. but the opportunity came again, but everything was different, it was with some of the same people, but it was a different place and mind set, so I thought it would be better. Ohh and I was wrong, again! Shocker? probably not..
Yeah it may have been fun for a while, but it was also the scariest moments of my life. Why would anyone ever think of putting themselves in such a wicked situation. I didn't have control over my thoughts or of the things going on around me. I then said that I was done with that no matter what. What happened next... yes you guessed it! More temptation that the devil threw at me.. acid! I was so excited, which I don't know why because I knew it wasn't going to be a good outcome what so ever. I was so nervous yet excited because I wanted to know what this one was like that I took two doses. One dose can put someone on the edge, but two, especially my first time was.. well. unexceptionably horrid . Not only did I do that, but I smoked a bunch of bud. Approximately a dub to myself.. STUPID! Pure stupidity! I was with all guys, and I knew I shouldn't have done it, but well.. temptation got the best of me.. I was more distraught then ever before, more scared, unsure, and just plain dumb then any time in my life before. Before I knew it, paranoia got the best of me, and so did life in general. I was so involved with what was going on, I never even stopped to look at the bigger picture.
Many people know of this, but don't exactly know what the experience was like, so I just felt like sharing it. I blocked it out for the longest time, so I'm surprised that I remembered as much as I did. The whole thing that I kept missing, was God. I thought it would make me feel better, when right now sitting at my desk in my room here at... midnight, I am as happy as can be because my trust is in the Lord and I am so blessed and loved by him, that it's the best feeling someone can ever have! When the presence of God overtakes you, you know that nothing can ever beat that. I don't regret what I've done, because I know in the long run it's make me a stronger person and I've grown from it remarkably and because I know that God forgives me more then I can even forgive myself. (p.s. if you haven't done it, don't!) Jesus has completely stripped my guilt and sins away, before I even made them.( pretty awesome huh?) I don't go about thinking of it everyday, in fact this is the first time in awhile that I brought it to my own attention. Which is good, and I know that God is so good, and just so awesome, that I will always be filled with love and hope and peace when I seek after him. He is so merciful and he will provide. Ufftah!
That's a lot to say in one blog post, and a lot of truths unmasked... but it needs to happen sometime or rather. This may just be another blog, but maybe someone out there will see this and know that you don't need drugs or any other carnal things. You need to focus on the bigger picture, which is God, and he will bless you beyond belief! A good/great scripture to meditate on daily is Philippians 4:6, Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Basically stating that you need to cast your cares onto God, and pray and thank him in everything, then let your desires and wants be known to God. Also, make sure not to question God, but to question in faith, knowingly that he will provide. Praise God! and remember, you are nothing without him! Make him your Lord, main desire, and purpose, and he will grant you your hearts desires.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Everyone Needs a Little Self Motivation
I don't know what to think, or how to feel when it comes to certain things. I feel lost, even though I may have the bible right in front of me and and the best worship music on all I want to do is cry. I don't cry very often, but lately.. I just can't help it. God is so good and he does provide, and I trust in him full well and 100% but why is it that I feel like something is missing?
I have the best youth leaders that I could ask for, and I thank God for all the amazing people he has recently placed in my life and the people that have been brought back into my life. I should feel ecstatic, but I still feel empty. I no longer have depression, or anxiety and I thank God for that so much and give him all the glory for everything I do, so why is it that even though he is so good to me, I feel so... so alone? lost.. confused.. scared?
I don't want to be like this, but it seems like that is the only state my mind works best in . I prefer to be alone then with a bunch of people, and all I want to do is sleep the day away. I am so blessed and loved not only by God but by my family as well, and by some other people.. but it just doesn't feel like it. I hate this feeling! Grrr! Greater is he who is in me! I just need to keep speaking scriptures like that and 'For God hath not created the spirit of fear, but of power, and of LOVE, and of a sound mind.'
Yes, God is so good! I just need to keep reminding myself that and of all the blessings he has given me. At least everything, and I mean just about EVERYTHING is going for the better. Even though some people may not agree with my decisions, I know in my heart(or so i hope) that they are the right ones for me!
I have the best youth leaders that I could ask for, and I thank God for all the amazing people he has recently placed in my life and the people that have been brought back into my life. I should feel ecstatic, but I still feel empty. I no longer have depression, or anxiety and I thank God for that so much and give him all the glory for everything I do, so why is it that even though he is so good to me, I feel so... so alone? lost.. confused.. scared?
I don't want to be like this, but it seems like that is the only state my mind works best in . I prefer to be alone then with a bunch of people, and all I want to do is sleep the day away. I am so blessed and loved not only by God but by my family as well, and by some other people.. but it just doesn't feel like it. I hate this feeling! Grrr! Greater is he who is in me! I just need to keep speaking scriptures like that and 'For God hath not created the spirit of fear, but of power, and of LOVE, and of a sound mind.'
Yes, God is so good! I just need to keep reminding myself that and of all the blessings he has given me. At least everything, and I mean just about EVERYTHING is going for the better. Even though some people may not agree with my decisions, I know in my heart(or so i hope) that they are the right ones for me!
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